Wednesday, July 4, 2012

T-6: I Will Give You Rest

Quick!  Look at the countdown clock on the right side.  See it?  Do you see that big, fat 0 in the weeks column?  Ahhhhhhhhhhh.  I just can't wait until there are zeros all the way across.

Update on Joe: He's sick.  Kinda goes without saying, but he's really sick.  He'll be tough and you might not notice.  He came home with a migraine again on Monday.  It lasted until Tuesday.  He only got one hour of sleep that night.  The migraine plus everything else has made him nauseous.  Even if he has no food in his body, he still gags.  He only slept one hour again last night.  His blood pressure is through the roof and even the increased dosage is not bringing it down.  Basically, his kidneys are dead.  He was at 11% in December. Ten percent is death.  We can't get an accurate reading now, because the dialysis artificially raises it, but I highly suspect it would be 10%.

Rest has arrived for us.  Joe's oldest sister, Diana, arrived with Joe's parents.  They came a week early so we could rest up for the surgery.  Isn't that sweet?  We need it too.  Joe, for the reasons above.  Me, not sure why I'm so tired.  Not looking for sympathy comments here.  Actually dumbfounded by my exhaustion. I mean, I slept last night.  I'm not the one who has to roll out of bed at 4:30, to go get tortured dialyzed.  I do know that I have a lot to think about.  As a wife, I worry about my sick husband.  I pray unceasingly.  Will the transplant happen as scheduled?  (hopefully).  Will his body accept the new kidney? (there is a 40% chance his genetic disease will attack it).  As a mother, I think about my little boys.  Who will watch them while we are in Phoenix for a month?  (Joe's sisters).  Do I need to give a note to the pediatrician, in case something happens while we are gone? (yes).  Which size and color do I need to order for school uniforms? (much).  Will they miss us and worry? (probably, but I have a way cute countdown thing planned for them).  As a teacher, I think about my classroom.  Will my room be ready for the first day of school? (yes, because 3 amazing friends went with me yesterday to help out).  Will I finish my summer job before the surgery? (yes, because I made a promise and others are counting on me).

I know that our situation is not unique.  There are thousands of people living with End-Stage Renal Failure, in our country alone.  There are many other debilitating diseases out there.  Thousands are fighting cancer.  Lupus.  The list goes on and on.  My heart aches for all the families.  For the mothers who have to make life and death decisions about their babies.

I'm not "happy" this has happened to my husband, my friend, my love.  But, I have found such comfort in each of you.  I can't thank you enough.  I love, love, love your phone calls and when you say, "let's pray right now".  I usually cry through your prayers.  I enjoy hearing you say that you have gained strength from me.  Well, actually, it's not me.  Look right past me.  It's my Savior, my Shepard.  See, He knew this would happen.  In His infinite wisdom, He has some awesome plans for all this.  This is bigger than us.  It always has been.

28“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11: 28-30

where Glory meets my suffering